Thursday, April 11, 2013

The problem with Vegas is...

... what happens there stays there.  I have nothing to write.


blurry but beautiful
I went there with a 40-year old Vegas virgin.  It's always fun to see everything through the eyes of a newbie.

When I was twenty-two, my German great auntie, Anni, came to visit my parents.  She had superhuman energy and wore my parents ragged.  They begged me to step in and DO SOMETHING with Tante Anni.  OK, so on my days off, I took Tante Anni to Knott's Berry Farm and to Disneyland.

OMG-- that wiry little Kraut had more energy than a barrel of meth addicts.  She joined me on every roller coaster, flume ride, rocket ship and teacup ride.  I was ready to puke, and she was ready to do it all again.  It was almost like that this past week, when I was the dowager chaperone to my lovely friend, Katie.
again, blurry but beautiful
     
First off, never go anywhere with someone eleven years younger, six inches taller and forty pounds lighter than yourself, especially if she has a sparkling, white-toothed smile, green-blue eyes and gorgeous red hair. If you want to feel invisible, Katie's your gal.

Katie made me do things outside of myself.  She wanted to eat at the Hard Rock Cafe and Burgr and schlepp all four floors of the M&m shop.  She knew all about Hell's Kitchen and Gordon Ramsay.  She knew all about which chef won which series of shows and which chef now ruled over Steak, Gordon Ramsay's high-end restaurant in Paris, Paris.

the only guy who got near me all week and that's cause I got near him     
That's okay.  I knew all about dancing waters, the Andy Warhol exhibit in the tiny Bellagio gallery, French pastries at La Belle Madeleine and where to find the cushiest chairs at the best Starbucks (in the Planet Hollywood casino, next to the Heart Bar, in case you want to eat an internal organ as your protein energy snack).

Together we discovered the many post-modernist, ultra hip and cool pleasures of Aria.  That's where the hootchie mamas and young studs go to play.  From the top of the escalators, the basement level looks like a rat hole of Band-Aid clad, stiletto-heeled whores and muscle-bound young felons.

We were too shy to sweat to industrial techno at Chateau on Wednesday night, but we did hazard a photo with Thor and the boys on the corner of Harmon and Las Vegas Boulevard.


I demand ass cheeks like this in my next life
All's 
well 
that 
ends 
well.  

See?  --->






We spent the last night with Nine Fine Irishmen and, as a fun capper, I pitched my cell phone into the toilet.  If you thought I was kinda goofy and  meshuga before, you should see me without my Blackberry.  Totally insane.




26 comments:

  1. That sounds like tons of fun, Marta. Except I can't imagine that you were invisible!

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  2. I'm with John. It didn't "sound" like you were invisible. What a great post. Lots of fun. I haven't been to Vegas in years - but I might just go again now. Thanks for sharing yuour great adventure. And just think of all the interesting/unusual places you visited that will surely appear in your next mystery.

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    1. Excellent point, Jim! I think you should come join us at the July Public Safety Writers Conference in Vegas.

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  3. How fun. And I can relate, sister. I become invisible while hanging with my three stunning daughters. I know, let's mastermind a plot to level the playing field. Meet me at the gym, then the salon, then the boutique. . . Oh, never mind, too much work. I'll see you at the bowling alley!

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    1. All you need is your gold sparkly high-heeled man-crushers. I need a lot more than that.

      I also know what it is to be invisible-- you should try walking next to my sons. Gratifying in that they are half me, but so depressing in that I no longer exist.

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  4. No cell phone!? On no! Get a new one asap! Sounds like you had a good time.

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    1. I am now limping along with a half-dead alternate cell I found in one of my storage bins. Half dead is better than all dead-- but not much, let me tell YOU!

      Trying to hold out for the new Q Blackberry model, which is unveiled at the beginning of May. Come on, May!

      We had a blast. How can a person go wrong in Vegas? Just the lights alone are enough to make me happy.

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  5. Wow- this makes me want to go to Vegas now!
    Let me see if I have some quarters rolling around.

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    1. Many, many, many, many quarters.

      And can you believe-- we each only gambled $1.00 the whole time? Yup-- and you can tell the casinos are hurting. There's so much other stuff to do now, who needs to gamble in a smokey old casino?

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  6. I've never been to Vegas, Marta. If I ever decide to go, I'm calling you first and having you meet me there. What a trip! Hello, fun spots. Goodbye, cell phone. Guess you're recuperating right now. Be well. Like Jim said, some of this will surely wind up in your next book.

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    1. It's a deal, Eileen. Vegas is not every person's cup of tea, but I enjoy it once in a while. Wheeeee!

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  7. Fun post and fun trip! I wish I'd been with you because it sounds like you have allllll the fun. :) Lots of fodder for a new story, too.
    Marja McGraw

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    1. Just come to the PSW Conference in July and we'll do some prowling... :)

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  8. Are you going to the conference in Vegas in July, cuz if you are I want to hang out with you! You have all the fun.

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    1. You're on. See you there. Wear comfy shoes for lots of walking... :)

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  9. ALOHA!! THIS SOUNDS LIKE SAILORS ON SHORE-LEAVE. Ah Youth-- once gone, only the memories linger, and the chuckles at the abandon. Two gorgeous, single girls on the prowl.....only trouble, Vegas is not the place for meeting quality men~~

    XOXOXO MERRYL of Maui

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    1. Men? What men? I saw only edibles and works of art...

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  10. A fun post! I went to Vegas in 2002 or 2003 to see The Monkees in concert at the MGM Grand. The show was taped and released on CD! During the day I walked up and down the Strip to see the sights. What I remember the most is the outdoor Pirate show and the smell of gunpowder as well the the 3-D movie at the M&M store.

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  11. How fun to see the Monkees at the Grand. When I had my boutique in the Riot House on Sunset, Davy Jones was a frequent guest, always very polite and polished. I can't believe he's gone.

    We never made it to Treasure Island and the M&m 3-D movie was closed for refurbishing. Dang!

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  12. Perhaps the Ass Cheeks come with the panty hose....?

    Sarah

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    1. Gotta find me some of dem pantyhose! But seriously, that poster was right outside of the elevator bank. Every time we took the elevator, I looked at the poster and thought, "In my next life, Lord, please-- in my next life."

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  13. I see a lot of people eagerly anticipating the PSWA Conference in July!!! I can't wait to party with everyone! And of course, discuss our books and be sensible at the panels and such....I'm on two panels and having a book release party at my suite!! I'll be sending an e-vite to folks shortly!!! Awesome times Marta!

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    1. "Yeah, baby!" as Austin Powers would say. Shagadelic. I can't wait for that book launch party.

      So you're going to be on TWO panels, eh? Show off.

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  14. What a fantastic post! Next you should try traveling with a dowager who is eleven years older, lots of wrinkles and hair that is no longer a crowning glory. You will feel fabulous!

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    1. By Jove, that sounds like A PLAN! I think I'll give it a go. What a SPLENDID idea. I can always count on you to come up with something unique, different, original, and downright enchanting.

      xoxoxoxox

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