I am dispirited and deeply saddened by the senseless carnage in Aurora, Colorado. Irrationally, I am irked that the shooter grew up in San Diego. How many times in my travels around the USA have I heard, "California-- the land of fruits and nuts." I think of Al Qaida and how they can point to an incident like this and say we are a demonic society. They don't need to send us their terrorists. We home grow our own.
Add to that the relatively minor annoyance of a verbally aggressive woman who punched me with her big mouth, saying I backed into her parked vehicle while I parallel parked. I quietly disputed her claim, and she became more agitated and bullying. I kept telling her we have insurance agents to handle situations like these. She wasn't buying. She lives on the corner of my mom's street. I don't need an enemy in the old hood.
Between her and "Return to Columbine", I retreated into my little shell the balance of Friday, most of Saturday and some of Sunday. Sure, I ran some errands and fulfilled obligations, but with a certain mélancolie de vivre. Inadvertently, I missed a literary event in West Covina on Saturday. I was still licking the world's and my wounds under my porch.
Thank you to fellow author, Carole Avila (www.caroleavila.com). I groused to her about feeling bruised and cowed. She sent me these two great ideas:
1.) Say in your mind to that screaming woman in a strong and confident voice, “I will not allow you to send me back to childhood patterns. I am a grown, adult woman and I choose to stand in my power!” Say it a few times throughout the day.
2.) Send out only what will not hurt you when it comes back. Imagine pink and blue cotton puffs, the size and weight of baseballs. Pink is love and blue is clear communication. Throw the baseballs at her, knowing that you’re only sending out love and clear communication. They can’t hurt her no matter how hard you throw them. You can also choose to figuratively shove them down her throat.
[Wow! How's that for a mixed message-- "Here you go, lady-- choke on these-- love and communication. Is that clear enough for you?"]
***
It's Wednesday. I've been out and amongst 'em since Monday. Today, I am grateful to live in this beautiful land of fruits and nuts, even if one of them lives on the corner of my mom's street in a great, big gorgeous craftsman she clearly does not deserve.
Marta,
ReplyDeleteShoving love down her throat didn't sound so paradoxal until I read it! I hope you feel better; I know I do when I'm able to express my feelings without causing any harm. This is also a great exercise to keep from getting the guilts.
Here's another belief of mine --about the woman with the craftsman...don't be jealous. That's a waste of energy that will bounce back to you. (You get back what you send out.) Every time you drive or walk by her place say, "I only see people with eyes of love, and only people with eyes of love see me." It works for me when I'm going someplace and don't want to see certain people. Give it a try!
~Carole
Hi Carole! I love all your suggestions. I'm going to try that "eyes of love" gambit. When in the middle of my divorce, I would send my energy out to fill the court room before each meeting in front of the judge. Could have used more eyes of love in that room, too!
DeleteDon't worry about me being jealous. Ha! I have been steadily downsizing my homes for years now. I'm ready for a one-room loft with NO gardening, on a high floor. Today I feel some jealousy when I see homes with a "sold" sign on them! :)
Marta,
ReplyDeleteYour friend's suggestions are great. I might try them sometime when a similar encounter disrupts my day. I think being able to grouse to a friend helps also as does doing something ou love to do like gardening, taking a walk, cooking, or maybe writing? Turn all that anger into something worth doing.
Well, I didn't feel anger so much as I felt unnecessarily attacked. Maybe it's karma? I used to be quite feisty when younger. I'm probably "getting mine". Ha!
DeleteI agree with you that Carole's suggestions are GREAT. I'll be using the "eyes of love" exercise all the time.
Some days it's so easy to become overwhelmed by the evil and pettiness of the world. But you're not a part of that system, which means that you're the best antidote to it.
ReplyDeleteNow isn't that a lovely thought, John? Thank you.
DeleteUgly and petty. That's how things can often seem. You're right, John. We can only overcome those things by not being a part of them (should I remove this post? was i petty to mention the encounter?)
I agree with Lesley. Having friends to grouse to is very cathartic. And yes, you could turn that unpleasant encounter into something productive. Maybe that woman will be a villain in your next story!
ReplyDeleteIt's a distinct possibility. She gave me a lot to work with.
DeleteOn the other hand, I may have just met her on a bad day. Maybe she was sad about Aurora, too, and felt fragile and easily threatened that day. We can never know what other people are experiencing, now what they have endured.
Fridays, I visit my mom, so I rode my bike past the craftsman 2x today and said a little prayer for the happiness of those who live there.
Fruits and nuts -- yes, there are an awful lot of them in this world, aren't there? I feel so bad about your encounter with that woman, especially after the moodiness you felt in the days priot to the accident. Carole's ideas are wonderful; it's great to have friends who care about you! I'll bet Ms. Verbally Agressive could use a few of those.
ReplyDeleteEileen, thank you for your comments. I can't tell you what a boost everyone's comments have given me. Though most of us in the Posse have never met face-to-face, I feel that we are building true friendships. It is a privilege to know all of you!
DeleteThere's such a loss of civility in the world today. Reminds me of a time I was driving down a one-lane street at the speed limit and some idiot was mere inches from my back bumper. When I stopped at a red light, he got out of his car, pulled open my driver's side door and cursed! He must have been drunk or high on sometime. I slammed shut my door and fortunately he got back into his car and roared off. Now I drive with all my car doors locked. I hope that woman you encountered has found some joy in her life to counteract her bitterness.
ReplyDeleteWow, Sally, what a scary encounter YOU had. I would say you were lucky that he didn't attack you physically and, yes, I agree-- he was probably high to be that aggressive over something so minor as you driving the speed limit.
DeleteNow that you mention it, I remember a guy in a car behind me who didn't like where I stopped at a red light (not far enough forward, as in front tires in the crosswalk), so he honked, yelled and bumped my little VW forward with his own car. I jumped out of the car and got in his face. I look back and think he could have gone nuts on me. I was probably 22 and overly confident back then. That was back in the day-- before road rage was a known behavior and dirve-bys. Today, I'd probably ignore a guy like that and speed away as soon as the signal changed.
People! Ya can't live with them and ya can't live without them. There are so many people out there who take out their own frustrations on total strangers, like the woman who yelled at you. Sometimes we just have to try to let it roll off our backs, but it's not always easy. Ask my husband. I'm always ranting about something or other. It sure feels good to get it off my chest though. Sorry to weigh in so late.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right about that, Marja. People! Endlessly fascinating and also frustrating by turns. It's so nice you have someone who loves you and listens to you rant. The sounding board can make all the difference!
DeleteMarta so sorry to hear that you had those bad days, but look at you now, you survived. I thinks that's what life is all about survival and how you choose to live. Lady you got friends here. Augie
ReplyDeleteOh Augie~~ You always know just what to say to make me feel safe and loved. You've got a friend in me, too.
ReplyDelete